How Movies Ruined High School

I was born in 1992. My parents were loving, but I remember spending more time with my teenage babysitter, Jackie. Put these two facts together, and it should be easy to assume that a fair amount of my childhood weekends were filled with trips to Blockbuster and visits from Pizza Hut. I welcomed the greasy, sinful heart failure delivered in the form of a PZone and sat happily watching films like 10 Things I Hate About You and She’s All That.

It's no wonder I turned out gay.

Kids of my generation should share my bitterness with the movie industry. How were we supposed to know that high school parties aren’t really like the one that we saw in Can’t Hardly Wait? Was it too much to ask if we could share the hallways with the pseudo-intellectuals from Clueless? Why couldn’t we all have fallen in love with our neighbors/classmates like those definitely-not-eighteen-year-olds from Whatever it Takes or Drive Me Crazy? There isn’t a way to show how sad it makes me to say that there are no answers to these questions. We were lied to.

I like to think of myself as an adaptable person. You could compare me to a chameleon, if you’d like. As a matter of fact, do that. Why not just think of a non-athletic 18-year-old’s body and swap the human head with a chameleon’s head. There. That’s me. “He’s an adaptable freak,” you may say, but that would not be the case for my experience with high school.  The main problem is that my adaptability is conflicted by the occasional surprise visit from stubbornness. So now this chameleon-headed freak is pitted against a menstrual donkey. I wanted to “Macarena,” but was told to “Crank Dat.” I was expecting "Genie In a Bottle," but was given "Disturbia." The donkey stomped Chameleon Boy into a pulp. I was heartbroken, and I couldn’t adapt through the despair. I was anticipating what had been hammered into my head by those asshole producers, but was unfortunately given what a new batch of asshole producers had to offer: Channing Tatum and Ke$ha. Woe is me.

_GaDing

Post-Grad Life

With two semesters of classes and a semester of student teaching left to complete, post-grad life has progressed more frequently into my thoughts. I am the type of person who has a plan. Always. As much as living in the moment seems like a more relaxing and enjoyable way to be, there is just too much at risk to live like that, especially at such an important part of my life. Within the next year and a half I will be a certified educator, which is like, you know, a huge fucking deal. This is going to make me be a real adult - the kind that wakes up five days a week at an hour I cannot believe exists unless intoxicated from the prior night and works a full day. Lather, rinse, repeat for forever/until retirement.

While the big stuff everyone seems to be nervous about (i.e. 'finding a job/career' or 'the end of an era') is actually really frightening, the lifestyle immediately after graduation worries me too. This past May I had a large number of friends and some aquaintances graduate with degrees in a whole bunch of things - mostly graphic design. Some of them are going to graduate school, but a lot of them are not venturing down that lane quite yet. Watching these people think about their future/have intense panic attacks that usually revolve around the question 'HOLY FUCK, NOW WHAT?!' has been a rough but also rewarding experience. Rewarding because I have taken their experiences into consideration as I put together a list of things I do not want to happen in my post-grad life.

1. This one may be obvious if you read everything up until now, but not having a plan is not an option. If I am walking Winter 2012, I will know what step #2 is by Fall 2012. Even if my plan ends up being substitute teaching and working at Starbucks after graduation, I will have a plan. Over the past summer a number of friends have had no idea where they were going to graduate school, working, or even living. I am not sure how you get to a place of that much chaos, but I refuse to be there. (My actual guess is 'living in the moment' gets you there. Suckas!)

2. I will not stay in my college town. Madison is really a great place to live for school, but I cannot see myself living here forever. Four years is definitely going to be enough, but remaining for any longer than that would be a mistake. I've noticed those who stay past graduation find jobs rather than careers, but more importantly, they just seem like ghosts. Totally out of their element. When I go out with my friends sometimes I will see a 30-something year old sitting at a table of middle 20-something year olds. It really bums me out because while I know there is a chance this person was offered a great opportunity here, I also feel there is equally as much of a chance that this person just could not let go. I mean, I get it. I even sort of went through it. But, chances are that it really is time to explore life elsewhere.

3. I will not get mixed up in guy-related drama. OMGOD. If I were to rank all of these things this would be number one on the list. Without ever meaning to this crap always seems to sneak up. I understand that sometimes it is just really unavoidable, but Jesus... I really refuse it. I am definitely too sensitive, tired, and uninterested. In fact, new plan of things to do post-grad: find my inner lesbian. It is in there somewhere. Hunt begins now.

4. I will not turn into a hipster to pass the time. I don't know if I need to really explain this any further. It is a serious problem though, and I am not interested in it applying to my life.

You know, I am really certain there are a lot of other things I do not want to happy post-grad (i.e. off the top of my head, get run over by a Madison metro bus (too soon?)) but I think this is a pretty stable list for now. It basically prevents me from getting sucked into the past and into drama, which are two things I want to avoid the most. Also, the more I think about it... the bus thing is something I really want to avoid too.



xo - MS, oak